


All On My Own

by foreverdrivinginpuddles123



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 02:22:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15305334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverdrivinginpuddles123/pseuds/foreverdrivinginpuddles123
Summary: Imagine Loki noticing your odd behavior and disappearances while the rest of the Avengers pay it no mind. You’re the positive and playful teammate, always there to crack a joke and brighten their day, especially Loki’s. You struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide at times, during those times you lock yourself away from the team. While the other’s have grown used to it and pay you no mind, Loki decides to figure out what’s going on for himself.





	All On My Own

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this was about me, so I related and wrote a story. I wanted to write it so bad, sorry if it sucks.  
> Also… Loki is a normal Avenger and New York didn’t happen. He arrived because his brother asked him.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Depression and Thoughts of Suicide

TITLE: All on my own  
CHAPTER N./ ONESHOT: oneshot  
AUTHOR: lokistories123  
PROMPT/ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki noticing your odd behavior and disappearances while the rest of the Avengers pay it no mind. You’re the positive and playful teammate, always there to crack a joke and brighten their day, especially Loki’s. You struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide at times, during those times you lock yourself away from the team. While the other’s have grown used to it and pay you no mind, Loki decides to figure out what’s going on for himself.  
RATING: M

 

You and Loki got along greatly. You were sarcastic in a funny way, which all the avengers loved. They laughed at your jokes and comments. Especially Loki. Loki was in the team for a little more than a month. You hadn’t worked with him that much yet. That was about to change. You two got assigned together to be a team. He’d be your partner for as long as he was to stay on earth. He appreciated his privacy as much as you did. You knew the other Avengers for 3 years now. They knew about you and the fight you had with yourself. They cared about it a lot when you arrived three years ago, but now they didn’t bother. Which did hurt you a lot. You needed a friend, someone who was there for you when you were in battle with yourself again.

But if that wasn’t the case, you were just happy and energetic. And that was all that Loki saw since his first day. Even after a few missions together nothing unnatural happened. But after a few weeks since your partnership, you felt like shit again. You almost didn’t say a word. Only if it was with utter urgency. Otherwise you where just in very deep and negative thoughts. Normally you would talk everyone’s ears off whilst you were having dinner. You’d eat well. But now you were just staring down in silence, poking in your food, but not eating anything. 

Loki noticed you were behaving oddly. But he didn’t want to confront you with it straight away. He did poke you a few times and gave you a smile, but all he got in return was a tortured smile. He started to get worried.  
“Everything okay Y/N?”  
“Yeah…” you said with the littlest confidence ever. Loki decided it was best to leave you be.

After everyone was done eating you excused yourself to go to your room. You just sat on the bed crying for one minute and than feeling complete empty the next. You hoped someone would come to you and help you get through this, but no one came. You cried yourself to sleep with the hope you’d never wake up again. You hated everything about yourself. Your hair, face, arms, legs, weight,actions... everything was your fault. Everyone hated you and no one cared about you. You wanted it to end. You didn’t deserve this..

The next morning and afternoon, you didn’t show up. And when you didn’t show up for dinner Loki got worried.  
“So… do any of you know what’s going on with Y/N?”  
“It’s just a phase she’s in. It happens from time to time. No need to worry.” Tony said. Loki thought back of their first mission together. He noticed some weird scars on you arm, but thought nothing of it. He now started to connect the dots.  
“Those scars on her arm… they’re from a mission I assume?” Loki asked a bit shaky.  
“Nope. She had those when she first got here. She told me she did that when she was still a teen. Nothing to worry about. She still has her downs and she just stays in her room for a few days. After that she’s back to normal. But not to worry, we make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.” Natasha said. Loki stood up at once and ran to your room.

You were just sitting in your chair. Tears still on your cheeks, rolling down your collarbones. But you weren’t crying anymore. You were empty again, staring at your wall, listening to your sad playlist. There was a loud banging on your door, which got you out of your phase. You walked to the door, slowly, and opened the door to see Loki standing at the entrance complete stressed and worried.  
“Are you okay?” You asked him.  
“Are you?! I heard the team doesn’t really care that you have a phase of deep sadness from time to time, while they should be deeply worried.” You only heard the first 2 words.  
“No I’m not okay. I just want to jump off this damn tower and get rid of all these worries and voices in my head.” You started tearing up again. Loki entered you room, closed the door and gave you a big hug.

“I know how you feel. I had the choice to do the same in a similar way, but I decided not to. I faced my fears and I had someone that supported me along the way. I think you need someone like that too.” He smiled and whipped away your tears.   
“Just let me die, and everything will be solved.”  
“It doesn’t work like that love. You’ll be gone, but everything else will still exist. We’ll be less happy, since the brightest and happiest person isn’t with us anymore.”  
“Don’t you think no one has ever said anything like that before? It doesn’t work. I know leaving me to rot whilst I’m feeling like this, isn’t a good option either. But kind words won’t stop another attack from happening.”  
“I’m here, what do YOU want me to do?”  
“No one ever said that before….”  
“Than were one step closer to where I want you to be. I want you to be happy and I want us to be a team for much longer. I need my best girl.”

Loki’s words already made you feel better. You emptied your heart and soul to him and he did the same. It helped knowing someone had fought with the same issues. And the best of all, you had a real friend you could count on. Of course you were close with the whole team, but you knew they’d leave you hanging when you were having a rough time. This time, and you knew this was true, Loki wouldn’t leave you hanging. He slept in the chair, making sure you slept well and didn’t do anything else but that. He also didn’t want you to feel alone anymore. He needed you to know that there are people that truly care about you and your wellbeing. 

In the morning Loki got breakfast and he was happy to see you eating again in the first three days. You felt like you were going back to your normal self. The next day you were just that.  
“Glad to know you’re feeling better again Y/N.” Loki smiled.  
“Me too. But this side never leaves does it?” You asked him.  
“No it doesn’t, all we can do is help one another, and we’ll get through this together.” Loki said with a lowered and saddened voice. You punched Loki in his side and gave him a hug. You knew another phase was coming and most likely, Loki would have one too some day, but all you could think off, is that you had a real friend. You looked down at your wrists, and then you looked at Loki.  
“We will. And if it wasn’t for you, I’d still be here all on my own.”


End file.
